Persona 3: The Blazed Hour
by JharozRain
Summary: Why do I do this? The better question is why do you still put up with it?
1. Starting the Stigma

**FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK. THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE THINKING BECAUSE YOU JUST JIZZED YOUR PANTS AND NOW YOU GOTTA TAKE IT TO THE DRY CLEANER NAKED BECAUSE THAT WAS YOUR LAST PAIR OF PANTS SO NOW YOU HAVE TO WEAR YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S SKIRT TO CLEAN YOUR JIZZED ON JEANS AND EVERYONE LOOKS AT YOU WEIRD BUT YOU'RE ALL 'I DON'T GIVE A FUCK' BECAUSE YOU'RE SO EXCITED THAT I'M BACK MOTHER FUCKER I AM BACK!**

**SHIT. I NEED A SECOND TO BREATHE.**

**THE BLAZED HOUR IS REBORN!**

**Fuck Ballin', THIS IS THE REAL DEAL MOTHER FUCKERS.**

**Being in college is coo'. Broke my foot though, so I can't play 'dem BASKETBALLS.**

**Now is the time! YOU WILL ALL BE SO PROUD! I WILL FIND A GODDAMN WAY TO GIVE THIS SHIT TO YOU AS SOON AS FUCKING POSSIBLE WHICH MIGHT NOT EVEN BE THAT SOON.**

**KAY IT'S DONE.**

* * *

A blue haired young man, by the name of Minato Arisato, the king of the party, the almighty brosen one, and the pope of the Church of Mary Jane, sat ever so still on train homeward bound. His black uniform jacket held all the essentials to his trade: blunt wraps, lighters, and ziplock o' weed, and his navy blue tie (which should have been a ribbon) hung loose above his white dress shirt that was unbuttoned at the top two buttons. As opposed to other fanfictions and and the video game itself, Minato was light-skin, or half black, if you will. Despite his calm exterior that showed nothing short of aloofness, his mind was anything but inactive.

'Japanese trains, bullet or no, were never, EVER, on time. I mean, like, seriously; you can't catch a fucking break with these things! Why in God's green fucking earth do we have to wait a century and a half just to get the fucking thing moving?!'

So, with that in mind, it's no wonder that Minato Arisato, king of the party, the brosen one, and pope of the Church of Mary Jane, was very, VERY pissed off.

Everything was loud, the train wouldn't stop shaking, a homeless dude whipped his dick out and started jerking off forty feet (or 12.192 meters since he's back to the metric system, now) away from him, IT WAS A FUCKING MESS.

Minato, king of the- (you know what, fuck it) was never intelligent so he made his discomfort know by yelling, "Fuck, man! I see enough dicks on pornhub, I don't need to see a homeless one!"

The guy frowned, "Hey man, I'm married. I just needed to get out of the house..."

As if nothing had ever happened, Minato saluted the man. "You're doing God's work..." Then he paused. "Wanna... wanna shmoke a bohl?" he asked 'covertly.'

Yeah right.

The man stuffed his johnson away and nodded eagerly. "Hell yeah, man!" He shouted, before getting railed in the head by a Germ-X bottle.

"Clean those mitts off! I don't want your dick germs on my beloved weed!"

Three minutes later, the two were puffing and passing this fat ass blunt that was filled to the brim with the good shit. "So I'm finally coming back home after, like, a decade..." Minato wheezed out after blowing out his latest hit.

"Really? Where were you all this time?" the guy asked, before taking another hit of his own.

"Detroit, Michigan. Fuck that place, it's worse than Stillwater."

"What?"

"From Saint's Row 2, man!"

"Dude, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about."

"What do you mean?"

"What do YOU mean?"

"I'm talking about vidya gaems!"

"Man that shit's childish."

"That's because you don't understand video games!"

"Oh! Like Call of Duty?"

"Fuuuuuuck Call of Duty!"

"What the hell man? Seri-" the man was cut off by the doors to the train opening and the announcement that the train has finally arrived at its destination.

"Later, bro." Minato said quickly, before snatching his blunt and running off with his duffle bag.

"Uh... how do I stand again?" Poor, poor Steve. He would never find his way off of the train until later the next day. But on stoner time, that's like an eon.

* * *

Minato made his way to the town and breathed in deeply. "Ahh... so this is what it smells like to not have oil and burning shit in the air..."

As soon as he said that, Minato felt a slight tug at his navel. "Da fuq?" He pulled up his shirt and checked his belly button, because that was the logical thing to do (at least when you're dumb as shit). The sensation had come and passed rather quickly, so the bluenette had simply blamed the weed.

When he looked up, he blamed the weed, too. The night sky had turned green, the moon had been drawn closer to the earth, the fountains spat out blood, and there were black coffins everywhere. "Fuck, I'm high."

Now, the high priest of the Church of Mary Jane was never one to mix drugs with one another, but he made a mental note to check if that married guy slipped him LSD.

That could be the ONLY logical reason. So he pressed on, bobbing and weaving through the coffins, giving one or two a pat. "Excuse me... Pardon me ma'am..." Just cause he's hallucinating doesn't mean you can just throw manners out the window. I mean that's like, proper stoner etiquette. Now if he had a sitter, however...

Another forty five minutes later, Minato shambled his way into the dorm. In reality, it could've taken twenty minutes, tops, to get there, but Minato took his dear, sweet, high time to get there.

The lights were off, so nothing really seemed interesting to Minato's still high brain. He took three steps before a voice called him out. "You're late."

He whipped (okay, slowly turned) his head and saw this weird kid clad in what looks like -20's prison garb standing behind the reception desk. Minato rubbed his neck, nervously. "Yeah, I had some THINGS to do." He winked like the kid understood him.

That was not the case.

The child pushed a piece of paper into view. "You need to sign this contract, here. Don't worry, just the usual stuff." He said in an airy, distant tone.

The stoned stoner grabbed a pen and pulled the paper up to his chest. "NO PEEKING!" He shouted, suddenly.

The kid sighed and turned his back to him. As soon as he did, the kid heard the scribbling of a pen and after another ten seconds he turned his head to check the bluenette's progress. "NO! DON'T LOOK!"

A minute passed and the Minato unveiled his signature. Or lack therof. There was an elaborate drawing of King Kong stomping on buildings, planes flying around, and an old general telling a crowd of people "This monster is a menace to society and must be killed!"

Prison boy sighed again and plucked the 'contract' away. "Time waits for no man. You can't simply close your eyes and hope to stay where you are..." he said, boredly.

Then, with a flourish, the boy disappeared.

"What the fuck?" Minato eloquently stated.

"Who's there?!" a voice called from his side.

"Who the fuck?"

A girl stood a good distance away and was visibly shaking. "Wh-who are you?!" she shouted indignantly.

"Whoa whoa whoa, take it easy, babe. I'm just here cuz I was told to!" Minato replied.

However, she did not take it easy. Instead, she reached for her thigh and got a grip of what appears to be a... gun?!

"Alright, seriously bitch! I thought I got through with muggings when I left the States!" Minato rose his hands and started backing away.

"TAKEBA, WAIT!" A voice from the top of the stairs called. 'Takeba' visually relaxed, and steadied her hand away from the gun. Minato's shoulders sagged when the lights flickered back on. "Well shit, look at that?" he muttered more to himself as took in the sights of the dorm and the girls.

The dorm itself was rather extravagant. There was a lounge area with Victorian couches and chairs, a bar, and even a full-stocked kitchen. Oh the great munchies that will be crafted there... The two ladies, however, we much more to behold.

The one who tried to pull a gun out stood rigid, next to the other girl. 'Takeba' had short brown hair and brown eyes, wore a pink cardigan with a big red bow, and had a skirt that was criminally too short. I mean, fuck, that's almost not even cool. But since there's an almost there... Nothing about her seemed too alarming, though, so maybe the gun holster on her thigh shouldn't be a problem.

The other lady had long, cascading red hair and eyes, a white blouse, a long black skirt, and very long black heels that reached almost to her knee. She wore a girdle around her waist that exposed the handle of another gun. Well fuck, but at least the way she held herself, as opposed to the freaked-out bitch, was one that displayed a sort of elegance that was rarely found in girls in general. THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO HMMMMM... She took a step toward our protagonist. "I didn't expect you to arrive so late."

Minato took a moment to size her up. She had big boobs. Aaaaaand done. "Well things happened and I got lost." He chuckled nervously.

The girl, woman really, frowned. "Was the map we provided insufficient?"

"Nah, I was just fucked up." Minato replied, as if that was normal. It was for him, though.

"Excuse me?" She seemed taken aback.

"Nevermind. So, you know me, Minato Arisato. And who am I speaking to?"

She held a hand as if to indicate herself. "I am Mitsuru Kirijo," Kirijo? Oh so that explains why she's so composed. SHE'S FUCKIN' LOADED. SUGAR MOMMA ALERT. SUGAR MOMMA ALERT. She then gestured to the less-peeved brunette, "This is Yukari Takeba. She is going to be junior this spring, like yourself."

Yukari nodded, hesitantly. "H-hi."

Minato raised an eyebrow. "So NOW we're gonna be chill?"

Yukari huffed, more out of humor than hubris, "You come in at midnight and expect me not to be freaked out?"

"Hey I was freaked out by the green shit, too, nigga!"

The two girls reeled at his declaration, but Yukari seemed a little puzzled by his slang. "What?"

Mitsuru frowned again. "It's a term used by Americans to display a variety of social standings. So that must mean..."

"Detroit, Michigan; the Motor City. The seediest city in the world. Heh heh... seedy..." Oh I'll take credit for that one, nbd.

The girls shared a glance at each other. HE had the Potential? Only one way to find out...

"Anyway, it's getting late and we all have class tomorrow morning. Takeba, can you please escort Arisato to his room?" Mitsuru asked. Well, not really asked, more like stated, because she knew Yukari was afraid of her and a high-class girl like Mitsuru cannot be seen with trash like Minato. Or so Minato thought. He thinks a lot of things.

None of them are remotely intelligent.

"What's with the last names? Why we gotta be so distant?" See? Like that.

"You are my underclassmen, and as such, I will show you the respect you deserve." With that, Mitsuru flicked her mane of red and click-clacked upthe steps.

OH LAWD LOOK AT DAT BOOTY, OH SWEET JESUS.

Minato chuckled to himself and muttered "b-back that ass up."

Yukari stared at him weirdly and he stared back until he realized he spoke English. "Ohh, you don't understand EN-GUH-LISH. Welp, that sucks; on to my room!" he exclaimed and shoved Yukari up the stairs.

Last room on the right; easy to remember.

Yukari thought it was so easy she should make a joke about it.

It sucked.

The brunette coughed in her hand, nervously. "...Sorry."

"Alright, just... stop. You're worse than Dane Cook when he keeps going ON AND ON." Minato sighed, exasparated.

"Hey, I like Dane Cook!" Yukari protested.

"Yeah, and you also make BAD LIFE DECISIONS!" he shouted, swiped his proffered keys from the stupid bitch's hand, and slammed the door in her FUCKING FACE.

The display of such badassery, even though it came at her expense, made Yukari jizz her skirt.

Well God damn.

* * *

Inside his newly acquired sactuary, Minato set up all of the necessary components of his lifestyle which is included, but not limited to: a blunt rolling station, a personal table that will only inhabit his bong (which was named "The Prophet" if anyone was curious), a heat lamp that hovered over a weed plant, and his own mini fridge that held a variety of different snacky snacks that would help combat the various munchies that he would undoubtably acquire throughout the time he would spend in Iwatodai and his new school.

But since all the goodies were already out... NO! RESIST TEMPTATION. USE SLEEP FOR YOUR TOLERANCE BREAK, STUPID MOTHER FUCKER.

"Alright, Overlord Jane, no need to PMS about it, fuck." Minato said underneath his breath.

With that, Minato's face made love with his pillow and he was officially dead to the world.

His brain, though extremely idiotic, was on overdrive, though. 'Why the fuck did that dumb bitch have a gun? Why did the hot bitch have one, too? Why did I stay in Detroit for so long? Why are there only two bitches here? Why is there OOZE SEEPING OUT OF MY EARS?! Oh wait, they always do that..'

These stupid questions continued on well into the morning as woke himself up for his first day at his new school.

Not without a quick wake n' bake, of course.

Light up, blow out. Blissful, beautiful... high.

Minato donned his black coat and made his way to the first floor. He quickly situated himself in the kitchen and cracked some eggs on skillet to begin crafting his breakfast.

Mitsuru descended the steps and was blasted with the smell of something positively... _delicious. _She peered into the kitchen and saw Minato beasting and feasting on a huge omlet that was stuffed with bacon and sausage. The heiress click-clacked her way towards the blissful stoner and crossed her arms underneath her giant rack while glaring at him.

Minato was too high and too hungry to even notice.

Mitsuru bristled and spoke with an even tone. "I see you've made yourself quite comfortable, Arisato."

Minato nodded absentmindedly.

"Are you going to acknowledge me?"

"Well I'm a bit busy here..."

"All of that food you are consuming will make you late for school."

"Well aren't you gonna be late for work?"

"Work?" Mitsuru asked with a puzzled frown. "I'm a student just like you."

Minato's now empty plate reflected his shocked expression. "Get the fuck out of here."

"_Excuse me_?"

"There's no way you're not, like, twenty-two."

"I assure you, I'm only eighteen."

Minato stood up, shakily. "So you're my senpai?"

"Yes..."

"ALRIGHT! Now I don't gotta use my secret stash of ruf- I mean... So which way is the schoolio?"

Mitsuru cocked her head to the side at his outburst, but shook it off and headed for the double doors. "Follow me."

Minato let out a low whistle to himself as he checked out dat ass. "Right behind ya."

* * *

The way to school was quick and relatively painless, with the only exception being Minato lighted up inside of the monorail car on the way to school.

Meanwhile the mayor of Iwatodai gets blasted with more paperwork concerning the monorail; apparently three cars are now inoperable caused by some sort of haze that enveloped inside one of them. Four kids died.

Minato's later response? "They weren't buckled in! HOW IS THIS MY FAULT IF THEY DON'T FOLLOW THE RULES?!"

The two were silent as they approached the high school, but Mitsuru smirked at her comapnion's amazement. "Dude... it's like... it has so many mirrors... INTO MY SOUL."

Mitsuru coughed slightly, to get our protgaonist's attention. "This is Gekkoukan High. I do hope you enjoy your time here."

He nodded dumbly as they entered the school. "You ought to head over to the Faculty Office to receive your schedule and then head off to your homeroom. Do you have any inquires?" Mitsuru asked with business-esque tone.

Minato tapped the growing stubble on his chin. "Do we have class together?"

"No, classes are segregated by year." Mitsuru shook her head.

"Ain't that a bitch..." and with that, Minato strolled away from the bombshell senior and headed for the Faculty Office.

"Eye ahm veery exzighted aboot the hisss story!" A foreign voice from down the hall exclaimed.

"YES! Now I am not the only one who will explay exuberance for the beauty of the samurai!"

Minato drew closer and he saw a blonde kid that had droopy eyes and a fan standing next an adult wearing a samurai helmet and a suit.

Alright, seriously? The fuck, man.

"Fuck, I'm high." He muttered to himself as he pushed the two conversing people's faces out of his way.

Well that's not nice.

A lady wearing a DISGUSTING Pepto-pink suit looked over her shoulder when she heard the door slide open. "Ah, you must be Minato."

"That's me!" he presented, using jazz hands.

"... Right, so I'm your homeroom teacher, Ms. Toriumi. I teach English and Composition, which shouldn't be a problem since you lived in the States for ten years, correct?"

"Yup."

"And let's see here... before that, though you lived here..." and then she gasped.

Minato suddenly seemed alarmed. "WHAT?! WHAT'S HAPPENIN'?! TELL ME!"

"Um... you're parents..."

"WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM?! I NEED TO KNOW!"

"They... died?"

"They're... dead? But... Uncle just said they ran away... oh God... is that why he said the toilet was clogged?! OH GOD!" Minato buried his face into his hands and cried some serious bitch tears.

Toriumi was, to say the least, at a loss for words. "... Um.."

Minato sprung from his hunched over position. "Nah, just fucking with 'ya. So what's on tap for today, teach?"

The young teacher's left eye twitched just a tad bit. "...The principal is doing a speech in the auditorium and we are almost already late to being early." She stated in ONE FUCKING BREATH.

"Come again?"

"Just follow me..." she breathed out.

"Righto!"

* * *

"Before I begin my speech-"

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand sleep mode. Really, it wasn't Minato's fault that sleep was being such a dirty girl. She was giving it to him ALL GOD DAMN DAY!

Wait, what was that poke? Ah, probably nothing. Wait, there it was again! The bluenette begrudgingly opened his eyes and turned around to see a freshman with swirly glasses staring right back at him.

"The fuck do you want ya little prick?!" Minato whispered harshly.

"Well, um, ya see..."

"Spit it out, dipshit!"

"Were you walking with Mi-Mitsuru-s-senpai? I saw you this morning..." the poor kid stuttered out.

"Well I guess that answers your fucking question, now doesn't it?!" Minato turned back around and started going back to sleep.

Wonderful, painless, jabbing sle- wait, oh HELL NO.

"WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY WANT NOW?!"

By that point the entire auditorium, even the principal, went silent and had their eyes focused on the spectacle at hand.

The kid cowered back in fear. "I j-just wanted to know if she had a boyfriend..."

Minato's face completely deadpanned. "Nigga, I'mma tap dat ass before the end of the week, ya feel me?" he accidently said in English.

"What?" the kid looked hopelessly lost.

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING?!" A teacher's voice ground out from down the row.

Oh HELL YES. PAYBACK'S A BITCH, MOTHER FUCKER.

He stood up and cupped his hands around his mouth. "Yes! Down here! This freshman was trying to entice me with brain-killing affects of marrige-a-wana!" Minato called out.

"WHAT?!" the kid yelled out.

"Look, he even has some in his hand!" Minato, against his best wishes, shoved one of his many bags of weed into the kid's hand. "LOOK! JUST LOOK AT THAT SHIT!"

"No! NO THAT WAS HIM!" the poor child pleaded, standing up as well and pointing at Minato.

"Oh, please, like I would even know what that substance is!"

"I'm not ly-!" a teacher from across the room straight-up tackled the freshman and held him down with his forearm.

"Trying to disrupt the normacly of our beatiful school, huh?! You revolutionaries are all the same!" the teacher then picked up the student and placed him in a headlock and dragged the victim of faux-blackmail away.

"That'll teach that stupid asshole a thing or two about justice!" Minato exclaimed, and everyone became overjoyed with the display of patriotism and justice. The entire audience, and even the principal, clapped for two straight minutes for the succesful apprehension of the now-terrorist, Ketsui Dragic.

The principal returned to his speech and Minato returned to sleep. 'Now where were we, sleep? Oh, I think you were giving it till you just couldn't fuckin stop... Oh don't be coy, I'ma give you my best too, girl...'

* * *

Minato's sleepiness continued throughout the school day and as such, the syllabi for classes continued to stack up on top of his head as they were passed about the class. When he finally awoke to the bell ringing, all of his papers came crashing down to the floor. "Oh, real funny assholes!"

He began the process of picking up papers strewn everywhere. Once he grabbed for the last one, someone else's hand met his.

The two made eye contact, and Minato that was when Minato met his bro-fo sho. He wore the standard uniform, but instead of a white button down he wore purple, and he didn't have a ribbon, either. The new dude wore a green ballcap and had the most gorgeous goatee Minato had ever seen.

TOTAL. FUCKING. BRO.

"Yo, man. I heard you were new and saw you dropped your papers so I decided to help out... See what a cool-ass guy I am?" goatee man said.

"Hey man, I appreciate it. Name's Minato." He offered his open hand.

"Junpei." They bro gripped. Nice.

"I see you're making friends." Yukari stated as she strolled between the star-crossed bros.

"Gotta plant my seed, and spread it," Minato responded.

"Speaking of planting seeds, I saw you with Mitsuru-senpai this morning. 'Sup with that?" Junpei asked, eagerly.

"Oh y'know, a bit of this and that." Minato chuckled.

"What do you mean..?" Yukari asked, almost forcefully.

"So didya tap dat?" Junpei queried, bluntly.

"That's my plan."

"B-but.. ARGHH! You are insufferable!" Yukari shouted and stormed out the room.

"The fuck was that about?" Junpei asked, crossing his arms.

"Dunno." Minato said. "Well, Junpei, would you like to take part in some extracurricular activities?" Minato smirked.

"I daresay I can only participate in my sole event." Junpei responded, acting sorrowful.

The smirk turned into a frown. "And what extracurricular activities are those?"

This time, it was Junpei's turn to smirk. "Beginning of the year party, man. Specifially..." He trailed off.

"Yeah...?" Minato awaited, eagerly.

"There is going to be..."

"YEAH...?!"

"A..."

"OH FOR FUCK'S SAKE MAN, COME ON!"

"BONG-FUCKING-MITSVA."

The stoner's (which one?) eyes opened. "FUCK."


	2. PARTY PARTY PARTY

**So I'm typing this whole bitch up in one go! Why? Because I'm baked and I have a kitty in my fucking lap.**

**THAT'S WHY.**

**And I know what ya thinking. You're mad that I made a Walking Dead fic instead of expanding on the Blazed Hour. WELL HERE'S WHAT I SAY TO YOU!**

**... Sorreh.**

**I also have a question... Should I bring in little miss female protagonist?**

**SHOULD I!?**

* * *

The camera zoomed in on Minato's face, which suddenly housed a mustache and sunglasses. "MOTHER OF GOD."

Junpei laughed a rich, baritone laugh, not unlike Santa Clause. "Oh, yes. We are going to get high as shit, and I got a feeling you would like to partake in the festivites?"

Minato took in a deep breath. "You could say I have..." he dramatically took off his pair of sunglasses to reveal a second pair of sunglasses, "... _high _expectations for this event."

YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH HH-!

Guitar music blared from all across the world, hitting the broest power cords of all time, ever.

I'd like to interrupt this auspicious moment in the story and say thank you, CSI Miami and Super Troopers. You were beautiful.

Minato tapped his chin. "However, my party has yet to partake in the act of smoking the weed. I believe I must... coerce them."

Junpei nodded remorsefully. "Let the unknown bros who have yet to take part have great success in their endeavors."

"However, if my mission were to fail, know this: I will not leave you behind, comrade."

The two stoners bumped their left forearm making an 'x' shape. "You have my bong." Minato stated confidently.

"You have my weed." Junpei answered back.

"AND MY AXE."

... Moving on.

"So, yeah, peace nigga. I got shit to do. Meet you at the Shrine. Vaya con Dios, and all that shit." Minato said as he skipped away.

Junpei nodded. "Au revoir."

Minato stopped dead in his tracks. "The fuck did you just say to me?"

"What?" Junpei said, stupidly I might add.

"Did you just call me a faggot?" Minato demanded angrily.

"No?" Junpei answered, but in the form of a question which hurts my brain and YOURS.

"YOU DID!"

"DID... Not?"

"Oh.. 'kay. Later." Without further ado, Minato spider crawled along the walls, out of the school, and scurried back to the dorms, Spider Man Style.

YA'LL NIGGAS ARE READING A SPIDERMAN FAN FICTION!

* * *

He burst through the doors with the grace of a rhinoceros and shouted with glee, "I'M BAAAAAAACKK!"

Mitsuru's lone visible eye left her book and met Minato's. "Indeed you are."

Minato nodded. "Uh-huh, that's right. But I can't stay, there's so little to do, and so much time to do it!" He frowned for a second. "Wait. Flip that."

Mitsuru's red eyebrow quirked. "Oh? And what are you going to be doing?" Her tone was colder than an igloo.

He stopped dead in his tracks as he felt a chill crawl up his spine. "Well... umm... I'm going to partake... in some... festivities! That's right! Festivities!" Minato all but yelled in effort to convince Mitsuru and himself.

Yukari leaned out from the dining room. "He means he's gonna smoke the reefer!"

Minato glared at Yukari with a gaze stronger than Death's. He then coughed in his hand and mumbled a, "Well.. yeah..."

The leader of S.E.E.S. arose from her chair, menacingly. "Is this true? You are going to partake in illegal and unsafe activities?"

Minato shook his head seventy-eight times, frantically. "No no no no no! Smoking weed isn't bad for you! It's just a plant, it just grows like that!"

She seemed unconvinced. "Really."

"YES! And if you just so happen to set it on fire there some... effects! But drugs aren't the same, you gotta do shit chemically to it, add baking soda, stir it up; I don't know the recipe, I'm just saying there is some shit you need to do!"

Mitsuru's intimidating posture actually dropped for a moment. "That is... most unheard of."

Seeing the weak point, Minato went straight for the jugular. "I can even show you its qualities, if you like! Let me show you that it's not a bad thing, and can actually inspire some niggas, ya feel me?" He accidentally started speaking English.

Again.

Mitsuru seemed quite conflicted with the prospect of such an offer. On the one hand, there was the entire possibility that Arisato was a fucking idiot and everything he said was half-truths or full-blown lies, and he would attempt to take advantage of her. However, she had the feeling that Arisato's intentions were entirely benign, and that he was honestly trying to help spread the word of the weed.

And if not, she had that huge canister mace in her handbag.

She sighed. "...Very well. I will accompany you on this errand." Her eyes sharpened. "But if you even have the slightest of ill intentions, I will not hesitate to give your eyes a third-degree burn."

Minato gulped a lump in throat. "Ah...aha... sweet, Senpai..."

Mitsuru heard a quick giggle from the dining room and she 180'd on Yukari. "And what are YOU doing this evening?"

The brunette paled. "Uh. Um. Er. Uhh." she stated intellectually.

The red-haired heiress clapped her hands together, interrupting Yukari's idiocy. "_Wonderful._ We do need a test subject for Arisato's theory, and I believe you are no longer free, correct?"

Yukari rose her hand to protest. "Um, actually I-"

"NO LONGER FREE. CORRECT?" Mitsuru cut her off sharply.

Yukari was deathly white at that point. "Um. Yes. I'd like to, um, smoke a bowl in the name of science."

With a nod of the head from Mitsuru, Yukari scurried off like a dog with its tail between its legs. Can you blame her, though? Mitsuru is scary as fuck, nawmean?

"And as for you, Arisato..." Minato stood at attention and saluted. "What is the next step in the process?"

"Oh, I gotta grab my... equipment. Once we get that shit, we roll out four deep."

"'Four deep'?"

Minato sighed. "One of these days I'll teach you what it means to be black."

"You can't teach a skin color, Arisato." Mitsuru cut in sharply. "Also, you are a light-skin, I believe. They are widely disenfranchised by their dark-skin counterparts, if memory serves."

Minato's head dropped considerably. "Yeah... But the fact remains that I'm black and you don't understand blackenese."

"That language doesn't exist." She interjected, again.

"Fuckin' Ebonics, then, SHIT!" with that, Minato stormed off to his room, leaving Mitsuru agape at his sudden outburst.

Taking four steps at a time, Minato ascended the staircase in record time. Considering he only had one other time to compare with, that's not very impressive. Fuck you.

However, his quick ascendance was cut off by him running into the final, unmet member of the dorm. "The fuck you want, nigga?!" Minato immediately snapped, bringing his fists up.

The newcomer, who was dressed in a beige suit with a red scarf, raised his hands in the air. "Easy there, firecracker. I didn't mean to do anything."

Minato's posture relaxed. "So who are you?"

"Akihiko Sanada. Senior."

"Minato Arisato, junior. So Senpai, how's about you me and those two chickadees downstairs head on to a little par-TAY?"

Akihiko eyed the stoner, warily. "What kind of party are you talking about?"

"The one with the good shit, none of that shit shit."

"You do know Mitsuru would never do that, right?"

"Already talked her into it."

The silverette's eyes widened. "You are a much better pitchman than I."

The light-skin nodded proudly. "Indeed I am."

"Then I must surpass you! A new challenger enters the ring!" Akihiko made a dreamy face at the prospect of having a new rival.

At anything.

Minato tapped his foot. "So you wanna get fucked up, or not, cause I got a schedule that I need to adhere to."

Akihiko nodded. "I gotcha, man. So where are we going?"

"Naganaki Shrine. Just gimmie five."

"Got it."

The door to Minato's room blasted open and the owner of said room began collecting all the necessary tools to produce an insurmountable high. Which will quickly be beaten out by a new high created by new dealers in two weeks tops. But tonight is all that matters, damn it!

Quickly shedding his school uniform, he replaced it with his signature dark blue button-down with the sleeves rolled up, black jeans, and pair of Jordans (The II's if you were curious.).

After acquiring the specific ingredients, which in retrospect was really just a bag of weed and blunt rolls, Minato trotted down the steps to see his dorm mates dressed for the occasion. As in, they weren't wearing their school uniforms.

Which would have been stuuuuuuupid. Who the fuck wears their uniform anywhere except school?

Moving on.

Yukari was wearing her same mini-MINI-skirt, but transferred her cardigan for a pink jacket with frills at the top. On the flip side, Mitsuru was wearing a black pea coat with beige riding pants; coincidentally, they showed off her ass. Minato swallowed down the obvious comment of "DAT ASSSSSSS!" for fear of being mutilated. Akihiko was still in his blazer and scarf, which made Minato briefly, and I mean like two milliseconds so it wasn't gay briefly, pondered what Akihiko wore to school.

Fuck it.

"We good?" Affirmatives came from all across the lounge. "A'ight, now. We're headed to the Naganaki to meet up with Bropei. From there, he'll take us to the festivity. Once there, I'll prove to you that weed is the MOTHERFUCKING SHIT!"

And the four were off, with Yukari very curious as to who this 'Bropei' was.

* * *

Once they made it to the base of the Naganaki shrine's staircase, Yukari let her question be known to the group. "Who is this 'Bropei', anyways?"

Minato shrugged. "I thought you knew Junpei?"

Yukari instantly deflated. "Him?" She asked miserably.

Minato nodded. "Him."

Junpei, who was carrying a backpack filled with the good shit, joined the group. "Who?"

Minato pointed at him. "You."

"Me?"

"You."

"Her?"

"Mad."

"You?"

"Eh."

"Me?"

"Stop it." Mitsuru cut in, irritated. They had wasted enough time as it is, and the night wasn't getting any younger.

Junpei held his hands out in surrender. "Take a joke, Senpai! They're delicious."

"LIKE MY COCK!"

High-fives all around!

"That's just wrong." Akihiko said to himself, as his palm met his face.

"Anyway, let's get going to the bongmitsva, SHALL WE?" Junpei asked in a gentlemanly voice, bowed lowly, and offered his arm.

Minato played the part of the hard-to-get date (BITCHES), by giggling and looping his arm through Junpei's. "Oh my, dear Junpei. I believe your feeling were not platonic at all!"

Junpei stopped for a second. "The fuck is a platonic?"

"I heard it in a Frank Sinatra song." They both shrugged at that. Who could question the Rat Pack?

The other three members of the group trudged behind the merry bros with scowls and irritation. Somehow they made it to the house where the party was going on without Mitsuru ripping out one of the stoner's lungs. Such an act was truly a bigger miracle than the introduction of sliced bread.

I like bread.

Using the secret code of knocking on the FUCKING DOOR, Junpei ushered the group into the party without too much of a hassle.

The place was a good set-up for a house party, it had a big ass sound system that had only the classiest choices of music on selection (Get Low, I've Got Hoes, and Move Bitch), two tables of beer pong going on, bitches was takin' shots (SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS!) in the kitchen (out of another bitch's belly-button of all places), and there were five people in a circle ripping from this fuckin' HUGE ass bong.

Mitsuru felt like if she stood in front of all the chaos and had a picture taken of her, that it would be placed in the dictionary for the definition of 'culture clash.'

Pity.

So, without further ado, let's just get into the thick of it, shall we?

A good twenty minutes after entering the party, S.E.E.S. plus two found themselves in a bit of a dilemma.

Akihiko was drunk as fuck and was on a fifteen game winning streak of beer pong. The bitch who was his partner couldn't shoot for dick (he literally scored every fucking point) and made him drink all the beer whenever they got scored on. He didn't mind, though. THIS BUZZ WAS FUCKIN' CRAY CRAY.

Yukari found herself in the kitchen after smoking a bowl of the Lord's grass. Since it was her first time, one rip easily set her up to a [6], and she felt them goddamn munchies creeping up on her. She felt like it had weeks since she last ate, and she'd be damned if she didn't get any Funions or Cheetos or Doritos or or or or... CAT. THERE WAS A FUCKING CAT STARING RIGHT AT HER, EYE-TO-EYE. The two stared at each other for an eon in stoner time before Yukari did something drastic. She leapt towards the cat and bit down on the cat's neck.

Minato displayed his surprise by commenting with, "Holy shit, that crazy-ass, gun-loving, pink-wearing bitch just tried to eat a cat!"

However, the cobalt-haired stoner had his own problems to deal with. As the veteran stoner of the group, he was challenged by Junpei that for every bowl the circle had ripped, he would have to rip two. The circle had ripped a cumulative of twenty-seven bowls.

FUCK.

Minato was so high he felt like he was on the planet Mars, and that he was looking down at the party from below. He faintly remembered Junpei asking if he was alright after his fifty third bowl. His response?

"That last bowl raped my soul." He stated grimly as he tried to activate whatever motor functions he had left to pack the last bowl.

Junpei, despite promising to be Minato's sitter, was off doing whatever the fuck a bro does whenever he is high as shit and there were bitches around. He noticed that the host went to the living room and had its furniture cleared out so they could have some sort of makeshift dance floor. Except there wasn't a whole lot of dancing. More like dry-humping. Yeah, dry-humping works.

Anyways, Junpei saw a few girls dancing in their little 'corner' and he walked over to him. Then he started doing what he considered 'dancing' was. He bent his knees at ninety degree angle, brought his arms up, and started shaking to no rhythm whatsoever. Once his 'suave' movements sent into the ladies' eyes, he moved in to kiss them.

Surprisingly, he had some success.

And now we look at Mitsuru. Poor, poor Mitsuru. To put it simply, she was having an out of body experience. Even though she was clearly sitting next to Minato, her eyes said that she was in the kitchen. And worst of all, she saw HERSELF on the couch with Minato. That is some fucked up shit. So she tried to articulate that she wanted some water, and thankfully her plea was answered. However, instead of doing what she thought she was going to do with the water, she placed her chin into the glass and set it there. The coolness of the water and the ice made her feel as if she were reborn, anew.

Her mind was racing. "This is amazing. Kirijo Group must be notified immediately about this. We need to cut all funding from anything unrelated to the Dark Hour and pool it all into this... this..."

"What is that item that I inhaled, Arisato?" She somehow managed to ask.

The stoner turned as slowly as he could to face his senior. He knew he couldn't get away with saying what kind of weed it was; that shit would be replaced in two weeks, tops. So, he went with the smart-ass remark, "Cannabis."

And with that, ladies and gentleman, is when Minato was looking pretty... pretty Challenger. He fell head-first into Mitsuru's tits.

Too bad he was WAY too high to even realize it.

* * *

Now, Minato was a prayin' man, so when he awoke to see that his face plummeted into the Ice Queen's rack, he made sure he let every single deity he could find on Wikipedia know his plight. And protect him.

Fortunately, his prayers were answered. Everyone around him began the 'morning after' routine with a whole lot of not waking up and sluggish movements. Akihiko was curled up in a ball on the beer pong table (which was then split in half as he awoke). Yukari was found spread eagled on the trampoline in the backyard, with a pool of vomit not too far away.

Junpei was the most interesting. He drank and smoked so much that the host finally found him face-down and naked in a tub. Apparently he had played one too many games of landmine and decided that laying down was the best option. However, he felt so sick after a few minutes that he then threw up on his FACE.

Gross.

Mitsuru awoke gently, and Minato thanked whatever savior that was out there for small miracles.

Until the ball was dropped: "Soooo... do we have school today?"

The entire house lit up in a frenzy. The host, especially. "FUUUUUUCK! MY PARENTS ARE COMING HOME THIS GODDAMN NIGHT AND I GOTTA CLEAN AFTER YOUR FUCKING ASSES! SQUAWK SQUAAAAAAAAAWK!"

Amidst the commotion, Minato located his compatriots sans Junpei. He corralled them up, and they sprinted back to the dorm without a word.

As the doors to the dorm were blasted open, Minato started handing out orders. "Alright! Yukari, Senpai! Ya'll head upstairs and go get cleaned up. We need you looking beautiful, capiche?" Without even paying attention to the girls' reactions, the stoner turned to the other male member of the group. "Other Senpai, I need you to grab me my uniform and bring it down to me, got that?"

Akihiko nodded. "But what are you going to?"

Minato started chuckling, darkly. "Why, I am the best hangover chef to ever be born."

The ACTUAL S.E.E.S. team descended the stairs and was met with a blast of beautiful smelling... FRIED FOOD. They quickly hurried down and saw a beautiful sight before them: Bacon... Eggs... Fried. Fucking. Chicken.

The chef of this cuisine slid into view. Why, it was none other than everyone's favorite stoner, Minato Arisato! Only difference was, he had an apron with the phrase "Blow the Cook" on it.

"I hope you do enjoy my cooking, I take great pride in it." He said regally.

The three paid him no mind and immediately started digging in. Knowing the symptoms of a hangover, he couldn't blame them. And if you can't blame 'em, join 'em!

... I think that's how it goes, anyhow...

Anyways, the dorm-mates concluded the hastily made meal, and made an even hastier escape to school. Why you would want to escape TO school, I'll never know.


End file.
